Sometime last year, when asked how do I feel? The only word that came to mind was ‘content’ and I would smile and say “I feel content, very content”. Yes, it was true at that point in my life I was very content with my life even though I didn’t have everything I wanted and I knew things could definitely be better but I genuinely felt contentment in my soul; the type that makes you smile so much because you’re just grateful.
I was grateful for my relationships and the personal progress I was making in different areas of my life and just realizing that I have a whole interesting journey ahead made me feel good.
Not even gonna lie, at some point I was wondering why I felt this way because even though what I mentioned earlier is part of it, it goes beyond that.
I’m starting to feel that way again. I feel a deep sense of contentment that makes me smile and gladdens my heart. I’m grateful that I feel this way because I wasn’t feeling this way yesterday and I’m really hoping I feel this way for a long time. It’s such a blissful feeling that I can’t really explain but you just have to experience it to recognize it.
I want to question why I don’t feel this way every time but I also hear this voice in my head saying “sometimes the sea is wavy and the direction of the wave is uncertain but enjoy the journey and take each experience one moment at a time”.
Originally, I would probably start this post with “hey there! How’s it going? I’ve got gist to share”. This intro still stands but we all know what’s going on, ‘a pandemic’. I’m laughing typing and saying it out because it still sounds like a joke that’s not funny.
Anyways! Hey there. I have been trying to write and publish new posts here for a long time but it’s not been successful. Hopefully, this post is published (fingers crossed).
While we took a break in our ‘blog relationship’, I’m sure there’s been a lot that happened and we might need to catch up on. We’d definitely catch up on subsequent blog posts.
Most recently, COVID-19 happened and it didn’t just happen to me and you, it’s very sad to see how the whole world is being affected and it’s also interesting to see the way our lives has evolved. Please stay safe and practice good hygiene while keeping your butt inside especially if you don’t need to go outside! (Yes! I’m judging you).
If you are reading this blog for the first time, thank you for stopping by.
I am Tamunoibifiri (pronounced: tah-moo-knor-e-b-fi-re) Fombo, you can just call me ‘Firi’. I’ve been inconsistently writing on this blog since 2017 and shout out to all my loyalists, love you!!
On this blog, I share my process of navigating this life, my opinions of different topics and everything in between. Honestly, I’m just a freelancer that enjoys telling and hearing stories mostly based on real life because the non-fiction inspires fiction.
I hope you subscribe and stay updated with my inconsistent posts (smiles like an angel).
I was just chilling on my bed feeling very energetic and I was like “wait! I haven’t successful written a blog post in a really long time”. This is why I decided to publish a post against all odds. Hopefully it gets me in the blogger zone and I publish some more.
I actually need your help! If you enjoy my posts or even this one or you just think “Firi you should write on here some more” please send me some encouragement or something like that (lol!) and I’d also appreciate if you let me know what kind of posts you are interested in reading.
Feel free to leave comments, share, subscribe and even send me DMs (@firifombo on all socials) if you can.
Just like my About field on WhatsApp reads, ‘It’s never an endgame, there’s always a constant evolution’.
It’s been almost two years since I moved to Toronto alone without really knowing anyone and feeling like I had to start life all over. Nurturing new relationships, managing long distance relationships, navigating the Canadian culture, starting uni from the scratch after two years of university back home. Basically, it’s been almost two years of officially independently building my own life without a familiar pre-existing support.
And in the past year, I’ve realized that whenever I call home, there’s always something that has changed from moving to a new house, a new child, change of school, someone is taller/shorter/slimmer/fatter whatever it is, something or someone is now different.
A couple of times, I feel I’m missing out on the change happening at home but even when I was home, I used to sometimes feel this way especially when I’m not in some family pictures or I don’t feel consulted on some decisions (you know what?! Whatever!) and I’m sure they probably feel bad that they are missing out on being very involved in my life because honestly, as the person living my own life I constantly experience change on a daily.
One of the things I’m constantly trying to do is being comfortable with the process of change because as much as I desire change in different aspects of my life, I sometimes feel like I am not ready for it when it comes even when I try to prepare for it. I doubt we’ll ever be very prepared for change but one think I believe we can do is to be open to change and try not to unnecessarily disrupt the process of change.
What has been one or some of the changes you’ve had to experience this year?
One thing I’m sure of is that it’s in my nature to succeed and even though that’s a major influence on my life’s journey, whenever I look back on everything I have, who I am and who I’m becoming, there’s always someone or people in my story.
Relationships in this context does not only mean human relationships, I’m also referring to spiritual relationships; my God factor which is something that can never be displaced in my life.
I’ve watched myself go through it all but in all things, I’m never alone.
I am and will always be thankful for the people who pray for me, talk to me, send in kind words, love up on me, care and support in the ways they do.
I often wonder what my life would be without relationships.
The little things that gives your soul joy should be preserved. You may get to a point where preserving them may be out of your control, that’s life happening.
It may hurt really bad. Yes! You may even feel your heart break in ways you never imagined and recovering from being broken maybe far fetched but there’s always going to be one or more people in your corner patiently waiting for you to heal and trying to be part of the healing process.
You see those people? They are for keeps they probably know the meaning of relationships and their loving is not only vocal but their love is action because that’s what true love is ‘action’.
Be patient with yourself. Give yourself time to heal, it’s completely okay. You’re human and being human involves different seasons of life. You don’t have to be strong all the time and all by yourself.
Give people who want to be there for /with you a chance and give yourself a chance to take a chance. Yes! Read that again if you need to.
Celebrating wins, crying over losses, being in denial, accepting the reality of things, striving and still pushing is something I’m becoming a pro at.
A couple of months ago, I applied for a good number of scholarships (20ish which seemed like a lot to me) and though I was indifferent about the outcome, I was pretty much confident that if the worst happens, at least I could get 1-5 out of it .
Fast Forward to Last Week
I had just gotten home from school and it was 9pm (ish) rushed to the washroom because dayum! Your girl needed to pee and it’s been a long time coming. While sitting in the washroom taking my time to process how relieved I am after the pee, I go to my mailbox to refresh just incase (this a habit). My mailbox says checking for mail I was pretty nervous because I expected a couple of mails. My dear people when I saw a mail with the subject; “2019/2019 AWARD SCHOLARSHIP RECIPIENT’ my heart skipped for a bit and I kept on saying to myself in a hushed voice ‘fingers crossed honey..Fingers crossed. If you got it that’s okay, if you don’t that’s still okay’ breathed in and out and then I opened the mail to see if I was one of the awardees.
I scrolled through the whole list while recognizing some awards I applied to that didn’t have my long distinct name Tamunoibifiri Fombo. At this point, I was forming hard girl hard girl *a Nigerian slang for trying to act tough* and kept on trying to convince myself its okay if I didn’t get awarded.
After scrolling through all the names thrice, I was convinced my name wasn’t there. I kept smiling to saying ‘it is okay’ and from smiling I began laughing and from laughing I could feel the tears on my cheeks because I was crying. Like what a wow?!
The crying got serious because I was now upset at how I had applied for 20 scholarships and didn’t get any like what in God’s name? Does this mean I’m not qualified for anything or what? It wasn’t a joke because at this point I was seriously questioning a lot, it seemed like a trigger.
I started reminiscing on the rejections I had experienced that week. Like give this girl a break!! I got feedbacks from a couple of applications I made and the response were all alike.
‘Thank you so much for applying, we’ve looked through your application and we consider you an excellent candidate for …. but unfortunately, we had to go with another applicant but we’d reach out to you if an opportunity comes.’
And at this point I was done with being rejected even though I knew I was qualified and the people in charge of the applications acknowledge by qualification. That was it, I had hit my rock bottom and I wasn’t having any of that back-to-back rejection.
No, this isn’t the first time I have ever been rejected but the frequency of this made it different and I had all the encouraging words I’m used to giving myself but this time I wanted to do was CRY and I didn’t want anyone telling me what I already knew.
Right now.. I have moved on from it (I think 😂) I feel better and ready to kick some more ass and celebrate the small wins.. If I get some rejections I may still cry (that’s my coping mechanism 😏) especially if it mattered to me but then, like the saying goes,we live to fight another day. I would apply for the scholarships next year and hopefully I get it and other applications that have not been successful doesn’t mean I can’t reapply if I want to and fingers crossed, when it’s the right time if the right time comes I would be called back and then it would be ‘the perfect time’.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it. Hahaha!
Now you’ve read my story, I’d love to read yours! How do you deal with rejection when you’ve had to?
Can you imagine that I almost forgot I was to drop a blog post today? Yes.. That’s how human I am, sometimes I forget things that matter.
My week in summary!
This week started on a high note. My friend’s sister and mom came visiting some weeks ago and we didn’t really have time to take them around so Monday being my off day, I took her sister out , we went to one of my favourite places in the city (Habourfront) and we had a really good time especially as I hadn’t been there in a while.
Got back to school on Tuesday (that’s usually the official day my school week starts) and this school week felt much relaxed than the previous when I had mad-ass deadlines and all because the semester is coming to an end.. Whoooo..hooo!! Of course I had my radio show – The Chit Chat Corner on Wednesday. Ooopsss! You didn’t know I now host a radio show? Oh well now you know!
I currently host a radio show with my friend; Mehrnaz every Wednesday 12:00 pm- 1:00 pm (GMT-5) (7:00 pm- 8:00pm GMT+1) on http://spirit live.ca. It’s called The Chit Chat Corner – We talk about everything and anything with different people every week, getting to know them, getting to know what’s happening around and just chit-chatting. Guess what?! You can listen from anywhere in the world by just visiting spiritlive.ca to stream live.
Follow us on all social media platforms. Twitter; @thechitchatcorne . IG /FB: @thechitchatcorner.
Then I got to follow up a proposal and a job application. Guess what? I got the job and the proposal is coming fine.
Honestly, it’s just been a pretty chill week and a few hiccups which includes doing something I said not to do and procrastinating some school work till I got choked up.
Now enough of me, How did your week go? What’s been outstanding and not so outstanding for you?
Yes! You saw that right. I used to get comments / advice like; “you know what Firi? You should think about your self more, you need to be selfish at least just once”.
I didn’t know if it’s a good or bad thing but overtime, I began understanding the need to be selfish especially as someone who is used to putting other people first.
To be honest with you, I feel like I still do not really know what it means to be Selfish. I don’t mean a dictionary definition of Selfish.. Of course no! How selfish is selfish actually? Is selfish the same thing as being selfcentered ?
Could selfish be just putting me first and quieting the small persisting voice in my head that always tries to convince me to settle for what I have left after giving others my best ?
“Our hearts should constantly be filled with thanks everyday because there’s actually a lot to be thankful for even the smallest things we may not consider worthy.”
Thanksgiving was earlier this week and it is my second thanksgiving since I moved to Toronto. Unlike my first thanksgiving, this was different, I felt grown up like actually grown.
Prior to Monday (Thanksgiving day), I had no plans to celebrate Thanksgiving and whenever I was asked or I thought about it, i would say; “I would probably be home and do some school work and probably watch my Grey’s Anatomy (my new watch. Story for another day!) but I’m really not sure”.
On the d-day, I woke up pretty late ( so unusual ) and with a resounding “go and cook food” voice in my head. So I went to the kitchen and started cooking. The initial food plan was cook for two; I and my friend but then I was like; ” you know what?! Why don’t you just call a couple of friends over for lunch/dinner because there are people like you who are probably without family to celebrate Thanksgiving.” Of course I called a couple of my friends last minute and they showed up.
All the while, I was saying to my friend while we were making food; “guy.. I feel so grown” It was so funny but it felt so good to do that.
I am thankful for companionship- the ability to find companions and be someone else’s companion because living all alone in a place where you don’t exactly have your family and friends is a constant adjustment but having people who make you feel loved and cared for is a blessing.
I recently had my first ghosting experience. Yes, I was ghosted and now I know how you really feel when you don’t see a post notification saying I have a new blog post or podcast.
*PSA!! I consider my relationship with you personal because we love each other (I think) and we always find a way to come back together (((((: .
Before my ghosting experience, I had only heard people talk about how they ghost on other people or vice versa and I always find it very irritating to hear stories like that especially when the people involved had an existing personal relationship.
Ghosting is suddenly ending a personal relationship with someone without any justifiable explanation and withdrawing from all forms of communication with the person.
Personally, I find it very disrespectful when people just blank out, don’t say anything, ignore any form of reaching out by the other person involved and act like things are very normal and they are totally undisturbed. Now if people involved are not or were not in a close relationship, that’s quite different but the disrespectful part of it is when they are in a close relationship and there was no trace of anything wrong. Even if something wrong had happened, it only makes sense to resolve a conflict if you indeed value the relationship you have with someone.
WHY DO PEOPLE GHOST ?!
This has been one of the pondering thoughts in my mind and I think people ghost for the following reasons:
They probably don’t know how to communicate their feelings.
They are just intentionally being inhumane and inconsiderate to the feelings of others.
Some people actually think that leaving other people in the dark is a way of not hurting them because you don’t get to talk about the matter on ground. Unfortunate I bring you bad news… Ghosting is never a better option than resolving issues. Instead, it leaves people to assumptions and trust me! That’s not healthy.
Guess what?! There are people who actually consider ghosting “cool sport “. According to the few I spoke with, they enjoy the attention of being reached out (I find this totally insensible).
To some other people, ghosting is a coping mechanism unfortunately.
DO YOU WANT MY ADVICE?! PROBABLY NOT BUT I WOULD GIVE IT ANYWAYS…
Rather than leaving people blank with zero clues, make efforts to resolve issues when present especially if you have a personal relationship and if it’s something that cannot be resolved.. I don’t know! But at least, everyone involved is aware of what’s happening. It is a healthy way of fostering better relationships and being a better person because we may ghost people for reasons best known to us but then, moving on in a hurting unexplainable state yields broken people.
I’M CURIOUS TO HEAR FROM YOU!!
Have you ever experienced Ghosting in anyway like being ghosted or ghosting ? Why do you think people ghost?
Anyways!! Like my friend would say, the least thing you can do is to have an honest conversation and what ever happens, people would always move on cause we are humans.